Fear of Death

When I was just a wee little girl, I was scared to death of.... well, Death. I don't know what it is about death that is so scary. It is not like you can actually picture your death, but then you would be afraid of how it happened and not death itself. I think that I was afraid that one day I would just feel this excruciating pain and then I would be gone. Then you can't help but wonder what everyone else is doing while you are busy not being alive anymore. You want to know who cares the most and who doesn't care at all. It hurts to know how hurt people will be just because you aren't there anymore. You don't want them to hurt and at the same time you would hate it if no one was hurt. That must mean that for there to be love there has to be pain. What a sucky... what is that word....(pause for google search) PARADOX! *whew* But what a sucky paradox. Why can't we just have the love side!? Oh well.

I think when I was really little, I started to cry in my bed at night and my mom came in and asked me why. I told her that I was afraid of dying and she told me that I was just a little girl and that I wouldn't have to worry about that sort of thing for a very long time. I guess maybe I believed her because I stopped being afraid of death. Maybe because these days, life seems so much more threatening and scary than death. But when you really think about it, there cannot be one without the other.