Christmas

I had kind of been thinking about this Christmas for several months. I had been thinking about how it would be and all the things that I would be doing and how it would feel. It really was the only thing that I really had to look forward to for most of the year. The only really big thing that is. It is Christmas now and it doesn't feel at all how I had planned and thought it would be. It is good and everything. There is fun to be had and family is all around, but it just feels like something is missing. This Christmas just feels so different than other Christmases. We are in Florida and having a fun time but at the end of day, I crawl into my giant bed next to my giant bathtub in my very own time share room and it just feels lonely. There are some things that you like to have just for yourself and there are somethings that should be shared. I lay all alone in my giant bed big enough for 5 people and think about how much I don't understand. I wonder about what I am going to do with myself when I go back home. I know that we all have to find things to fill our life with and we have to keep on living our lives, but I just have an empty feeling inside me. It might be easier to just fill it with things as quickly as possible, but I kind of want to fill it with things that are really important to me. I want to have fun and be happy with myself.

Merry Christmas!